you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
