so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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