Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
