no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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