There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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