I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
