I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
