You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize