You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
