I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
