Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
