I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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