I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
