God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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