so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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