he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
