Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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