I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
