remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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