I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
