Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
