y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
