Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
