when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
