So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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