i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Randomize