I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
