The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
