I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
