i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
