Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
