mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
