Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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