I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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