my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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