I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
