I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
