does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
