I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize