They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
