remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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