i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
