This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
