He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
