dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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