A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
