What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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