shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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