he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
