Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
