I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
