My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
