TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
