i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
