My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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