My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
