i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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