At least make sure they are 18
Why
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
