she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
