Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
