DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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