so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
