Heybabeimwearingurpanties
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
