did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize