New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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